Joe Wilson - Worst first impression ever

09 SEPTEMBER 09

Joe Wilson, the Latest Total Fucking Idiot to Come Out of the Republican Party and End His Pointless and Stupid Career in One Second

"What makes you lie?" -Stupid Flanders, The Simpsons

Joe Wilson, a dumbass who you never heard of until he decided to be a total dumbass, announced the end of his career tonight. You may remember him as one of a long line of Republican assholes who nobly defended America's honor by serving in the Army Reserve during Vietnam, and also the South Carolina National Guard, because South Carolina can use all the protection from the Vietcong that it can get.
He stood up for the opposite of your rights during Commie Pinko President Obama's speech on how he's going to save you from assholes like Joe Wilson. He did this by shouting out "You lie!" during a speech to what used to be a respectful and not entirely monkey stupid House of Representatives of the United States. Well done, good show, and all that. Because even during the presidency of the biggest dumbass in history (George W. Bush, for the seventeen Americans who still don't understand the terms 'dumbass' and 'biggest'), nobody ever thought it was a good idea to stand up during a formal speech and announce to the world that you would like to be the number one bonehead that everyone in the country except seventeen people can agree on.
If you think Joe is in any way a representative of America, congratulations, you are in the vast minority. And you should come off your decision to be purposefully ignorant, because all those commenters on all those interweb 'news' sites that espouse your stupid views are really only seventeen really busy people.
Not to mention that it is a safe bet you will really hate all the prosperity, equality, and unprecedented brotherhood among Americans that is possible without your stupid resistance, and it will become increasingly evident that your Bible you haven't read and the gun that you don't know how to use are merely props to hide your fear of...everything.
Good bye, Joe Wilson. I wish you had made yourself known to me earlier so I could have made more fun of you and laughed my ass off at your complete irrelevance to the future of the United States.
You still have a reasonable chance to work for the citizens of South Carolina, since by electing you they've shown that they have no aversion to being properly branded as a state almost as stupid as that dumbass state that elected Michele Bachmann.
Note to Joe: if you're gonna go dumbass, there's nobody like Michele Bachmann to show you the way. You two should team up for some sort of GOP crimefighting team T.V. show. Except of course without the crimefighting part. That would be too fake even for T.V.
Note to Minnesota: Tired of being a state full of idiots yet? Too bad, you voted for Michele Bachmann. Joe Wilson could pull his pants down and shove his head up his ass (which he has obviously practiced in private) and you would still be the state that elected a woman who set women (and also men, humankind, small mammals, and all inhabitants of the Milky Way Galaxy) back for a bililionion years. Good show. I don't know if you can ever ever ever ever ever recover. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking, Minnesota? Whatever, do what you want. Jump in a vat of acid with an acid absorbing suit on. It wouldn't make you look stupider, because you voted for Michele Bachmann.
Word to the wise, South Carolina. A special impeachment followed by a special election (with only Republican candidates, if you wish) and a handwritten apology signed by every citizen of South Carolina is a minimal first step.
Way to totally live up to my expectation of continued dumbass followed by a 99% chance of scattered extreme stupidity, South Carolina.
I'm embarrassed for both of us.

Side bet for you, State of South Carolina: If you re-elect Joe Wilson in whenever he's up for re-election, I agree to give one hundred dollars to some worthy cause that is diametrically opposed to whatever Joe is for.
Thanks again, S. C. I wondered who was going to produce the next Republican who went from Guy-I-Never-Heard-Of to Joke-Of-The-Day in a split second. Louisiana, home of Bobby 'I-used-to-be-a-contender-until-I-opened-my-mouth' Jindal, also sends it's gratitude.

Watch out politicians in Kansas, there's a new dumbass in town, and their name are Joe Wilson.